- What is your format? I cannot understand your format.

STWST: Yeah, I think it´s intentionally to be non-understandable according to regular television.

- Congratulations, you succeeded on that point.

STWST: I think, after a few days this might look like it makes a lot of sense and the other channels might look like they don´t make sense, ´cause a lot of what I see on the other channels, I don´t understand their format, I don´t understand what they´re getting at.-

- When I first turned it on, my wife and I thought that it was sometimes satanic television and now I don´t know what the hell it is.

STWST: I don´t think it´s satanic television.

- No, it doesn´t look it now, it just looks mighty confused.

STWST: It is very confused. But I think ... people´s minds are often confused. I think that there is a lot of order in normal television that, sort of artificial, makes look things a little bit more orderly than they really are. - And so I think that this chaos maybe is a little bit more in line with how people´s minds really work or how people´s days go or how people´s lives go.

- The chaos I can understand but you got to get your act together in one point or another because you got a lot of fuzzing and a lot of things running together...

STWST: Is it interesting enough to keep watching or are you gonna give up on us.

- I think, I´ll turn it back on again just to see what´s going on.

STWST: Yeah, well, maybe some things will happen later that will be a little more coherent ... It´s beyond my control, I can tell you that right now.

- It looks to be growing beyond everybody´s control.

STWST: Yeah, yeah, I think that´s part of what´s it all about. But there is a lot of technology here and a lot of people and that´s what it´s really like here and that´s the impression that´s coming across on the screen. ... I think, there is a similar chaos, say for example on the local news, but you don´t see it ... You know when you see a person on the news and everyone´s hair is perfectly in place ...We´re not seeing a lot of the other stuff that´s going on ...

- I have a question. I was wondering, when can we see the groups next in concert.

STWST: ... Where did you see them?

- I saw them at the "Continental"...

STWST: Did you enjoy it?

- Kind of, I was kind of busy at the moment but I did quite enjoy the concert. I was busy in the bathroom, but I did see.

STWST: What were you doing in the bathroom.

- I was snorting Freon ...

STWST: Is this something you ordinarily do?

- When I have the chance ...Well, with a young woman I was indeed.

STWST: Well, how is snorting Freon?

- It feels like a refrigerator shoved up your nose on the left hand nostril.

STWST: And would you recommend this to all viewers and listeners that are tuning into this right now?

- Well, I would recommend Freon with a dosage of any roast-beef Splatcat form.

STWST: You recommend Freon with roast-beef?

- Yes, while listening to the Splatcats.

STWST: Why do you feel that that´s a good combination?

- I feel that the nasal ingestion along with the garage punk feeling is quite delectable.

STWST: Have you been watching the program all evening?

- I have been masturbating to it all evening ...

STWST: ... Do you find that it helps?

- I´ve been preejaculating, I haven´t come to the full ejaculation yet. But the primary ejaculation is definitely there.

STWST: Well, that´s good to hear and when you do reach fulfillment, maybe you´ll call us back and tell us what it was like ...

STWST: In the meantime I know that the bands will be playing again ...

- Oh yeah, I will be masturbating there fully ...

- What you´re doing, I think it´s more than sick, I think it´s disturbed, man, to have this shit on TV, man. What is wrong with you people É What are you showing on TV. Little babies and little children ...

STWST: Look at your face.. you double-faced man...

- Little children, little babies, you were warping their minds, you were destroying their humanities, you are scum, you are scum in the eyes of all Americans and New Yorkers

STWST: You need some help?

- Kick your ass all the way back to Austria ... Cause this is New York ... We don´t show that kind of stuff here, man ... Get off TV ... Scum ...

- I´d like to tell you that this show is very crazy. It makes my fingers itch ...You´re showing crazy dead people with funky blown noses on my air and you make my fingers itch. This type of thing should not be allowed on the television ...You´re making my fingers itch by showing this crazy demented paranoia ...

STWST: Well, that´s what life is all about, isn´t it?

- No, life is about getting married and having children ... you´re making my fingers itch, please turn it off.

STWST: Have you seen anyone on the show that you´d like to get married with and have children?

- Well, I think, I saw you somewhere on the show. Do you want to marry me?

STWST: I don´t know, how much money do you make?

- Oh, that is a very low blow, ... it depends, will you make my fingers itch?

STWST: I don´t know, maybe.

- Well, I certainly hope not, ... my money, my money, is that what you´re looking for? ... You silly Austrian woman ... You must continue to provoke my rash.

STWST: Your rash is in our hands ...

- This is Captain Smith calling. This is easily the most pointless, offensive, gutless, worthless. É provoking thing ever witnessed by a man watching TV. And may God srike you all blind. Amen.

- I´ve seen this phone-number on this weird TV-program that you´re running. Why would you run something like this so bizarre.

STWST: We want people to ask themselves, not us.

- Is this a religious thing?

STWST: We are believers.

- In what?

STWST: In anything. - In anything? I mean this is absolutely bizarre, you´re runnging swear words across the TV-set.

STWST: I can´t help you.

- You can´t help me. I think the FCC (Federal Communication Commission) should find out about that.

STWST: Maybe you should call God.

- Oh my God, you people are sick, really sick.

- Hey, I wanna talk to that blond-haired, blue-eyed alien slut. I think her name´s like Gabby or Gabby-girl or something like that.

STWST: You wanna talk with Gabi ...

...what for?

- I wanna ask her something.

STWST: Hello...

- Hey, what are you, some kind of princess or something?

STWST: Me, some kind of princess, of course, why do you ask?

- Oh, I don´t know, it seems like you look kind of bored ...

STWST: So what do you want me to do?

- Well, I have a challenge for you ... something that you might wanna do ... have you ever heard of professional mud-wrestling? ... I´m a mudwrestler myself and I thought, maybe you´d like

to fight or something ... I´m Hulk Hogan´s woman, whose woman are you, you gotta be somebody´s woman ...

STWST: Why do I have to be somebody´s woman?

- you look like it, you´re not a princess, are you?

STWST: No, I´m not, but I don´t have to be somebody´s woman.

- Well, what are you, Madonna?

STWST: Madonna, why should I be Madonna?

- Well, you seem to act like her. I saw you at the "Continental", you are a singer, right? Well, you can´t sing, well shit. If you´re really gonna make a premiere in the US, you should learn how to sing.

STWST: Oh, well, I do not intend to make a career in the US.

- You did, and you blew it, honey ... You gotta have tits, you gotta have a bigger ass and you gotta move like Madonna ...

- What are you guys, a bunch of communists, or what?

STWST: Are you a communist?

- No, I´m a US citizen. I just wanted to know what this is. What´s your program about.

STWST: about everything ...

- Is this supposed to be about white supremacy?

STWST: Are you a redneck? ...

- I spent four years in the US army so I wanna know, is this a plot against US ...

STWST: Did you have a good breakfast today?

- I think you´re a bunch of fucking communists ...Put something constructive on, ...if you wanna show something about Austria...

STWST: So Australia wasn´t good for you either ...

- It seems that yesterday you had a little bit more of a theme but today you don´t seem to have that same theme, it´s kind of jumbled up today ...Myself I´m 76 years old and I´m just absolutely enjoying it. Don´t get me wrong but I´m just having a little bit of troubles of finding out what you´re trying to show today. Yesterday I understood ...but today I´m a bit confused ... How come, my voice is on the TV ... that kind of bothers me because I am a very private person. I just wanted to talk to one person just to tell them how much I am enjoying the show.

- Your show is so cool ... I wish I could be there ... It is so wild ... I´d love to just ... my life is so structured - just to get on there and talk and - say anything you wanna say?

STWST: You can say anything you wanna say right now ...

- I wanna talk about sex ...

STWST: These Austrians think that Americans, all they wanna talk about is sex because they feel inadequately equipped.

- Well that´s the truth, I mean we all know that Austria is populated by people who are either Nazis or have no dick ...

STWST: ... You talk about Japanese people ...

- No, no, Austrians are all Nazis and tried to take over the word because they have an inferiority complex ...

STWST: What about Americans ...

- We are more subtle about it ...

STWST: What do you prefer? Having sex in front of the TV or watching sex on the TV screen.

- I sort of have sex with the TV ...

PUNK TV

- This is my 15 minutes, Andy Warhol promised me, I´d be famous for ...

STWST: If you wanna take that 15 minutes, you should talk right now ...

- Give me a topic that´s interesting, and I´ll talk about it ...I got one, ok: I am the Zodiac killer from New York. The next person I´ll kill will be the one who´s born under the stop sign ... then next the yield sign, ... my wife, then Morgan Fairchild, ... Reagan ? ...

THE CREW AND GUESTS

(for more detail...click picture)